Monday, September 12, 2011

and in the end...


i don't remember where we left off before, but at some point while we were driving to grand rapids we passed through this very interesting, dense fog that covered the entire road. it had a weird smell to it, and it was very hard to see where we were going. by the time we came out the other side...wouldn't you know it....we landed smack-dab in the middle of ANOTHER alternate reality. thems the breaks, i guess. here's burke, from the past, trying to comprehend a metavari soundcheck from the future at the Max.


unfortunately, it took me so long to get the framing just right on this picture that i didn't have time to warn bryant before the gigantic monster licking it's chops right behind him bit his head off.....AGAIN...


there were no indian heads around this time, so we just jammed this crummy old box on his shoulders until the show was over and we could figure out something better.


then we suddenly realized that bryant's head wasn't gone at all, but that when he was eaten by the monster his soul got trapped in this elaborate ghost-busters style trap. we tried every 4-digit combination we could think of to set him free, from our bank pin numbers, to our birthdates. wouldn't you know, it was 1-2-3-4...last thing we tried!


once we released him, though, we realized he wasn't alone in there. sad to say, my own body was temporarily possessed by the souls of the giant monsters past victims. they compelled me to build the machine you see here in the picture, which served as a holding cell for the monster and rendered it powerless. no. big. deal.


Charles the Osprey at the Pyramid Scheme, Grand Rapids, Michigan


a meeting of the minds. i'm sure something awfully important is being discussed in this photograph. it was probably hard to tell what it was though, because everyone was probably talking very loudly and all at the same time.



Metavari and husband&wife Tour the universe and back, brought to you by...Hot Dogs.



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mexican brunch with jen and laura.



stranded.....


Thursday, September 8, 2011

Weekend at E.J.'s II : Lil Burkey's Day out




we got the day started by snapping these glamour shots of ty for his lady. he's been missing her on the road since we left, and he wanted to do something nice. of course, by "his lady" i mean "hotornot.com".


here's me telling the other dudes about a sword fight i had gotten into earlier in the day. see, i got up early to go do some pilates and fencing at the gym on the roof of the hotel complex we were staying in, as is my usual routine. after the workout, when i came out of the shower, i got jumped by three dudes. they wanted my wallet, and i was like "are you CRAZY?!? i'm stark naked, and who would ever take their WALLET into the shower!?". luckily though, i never travel anywhere without my fencing sword, so i whipped that sucker out and showed those crooks who was boss.


we thought we had a leak in the tire, but we couldn't see any visible punctures or tears in the tread. nate had heard once that blind people's other senses become like super powers when they lose their sight. so, here he is closing his eyes and listening for the leak, thinking that his hearing would immediately improve. it didn't, but bryant did sneak up on him and fart right in his face and shout "did you hear THAT!". it was way immature.


not only was nate confused about the blind and their senses, but he also had a weird impression of what Canada was like. the first thing he wanted to do was infiltrate the parliament and plant an american flag in the middle of some official proceeding. here he is doing is best "impression of a Canadian" before he scaled the capital building wall. he did forget the flag though, so once he got into the building, he didn't know what to do, so he just ate some poutine at the parliament food court, came back outside, and we left.




Canada has the best malls. here we are killing time in an abandoned one, waiting for the zombies to come out and terrorize us. lucky for us, the same number of zombies came out at the mall as did people to the show that night, so we were totally safe.



also, before the show, time showed us this game he invented where you stand on one leg and slap at each other. very sissy.


the best shawarma we ever had?


casbah green room. casbah freaky scary terrifying weirdo green room.




after we played at the show, the crowd was really restless and screaming for more. so, when metavari came out for the encore we joined them on stage and ran through a set of improvisations and collaborations the likes of which have never been seen or heard. it was incredible. the place was electric and we sold out of all of our t shirts and cds and posters. then we all died and went to heaven.


here's nate's corpse right after he died.


detail of nate's rotten, bloated corpse.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

you can't take that stuff to canada

so far this whole tour has consisted of almost exclusively driving, which doesn't make for much of a tour blog. it does, however, lend itself to a lot of inside-joking and delirious free association. And, a lot of funny made-up names like E.J. Turnbuckle, Chuck E. Jesus, and Dick Nail.

here is some stuff, though...mostly lies


Weird Owl Yankovic


what's there to say about this picture? brook has had this mustache in his bag since we left bloomington, and it was only when we were halfway across vermont in the rain that he decided to unveil it. at first, i did think he was nate, though.


nothing new here. moving right along...


here's tim sweet talking the border patrol. it was a VERY close call, but thanks to tim's unmatched charm and way with words we got trough the border with all of ty's k2 spice and bath salts in tact.


welcome to canada. have a seat.



after the show in montreal, a few of the guys in our crew kept insisting that you could get the best bagel in the world right around the corner from the venue. the next time someone says that to you, especially if you're very tired, just toss a baseball mitt in the microwave and chow down. it's virtually the same experience.


as is usual on any husband&wife tour, someone sat in gum...this time it was bryant.


world's biggest burger king playplace...



Monday, September 5, 2011

Getting our act together

Believe it or not, coming down off the high of an alternate, parallel dimension is not exactly a walk in the park. Not a single one of us has any recollection of what happened after the show in Boston, but when we woke up the next morning, this is what we found...

 
Ty and Burke woke up next to each other, neither knowing what unspeakable events had transpired in the night, but sharing an overwhelming sense of shame and crushing guilt.

 
Fortunately, Burke found a quiet place to reflect and try to make heads or tails of his foggy memories. He seemed better in the end, but for the duration of this quiet time I could hear him repeatedly muttering, "horror of horrors...".


When I came to, I found that my consciousness was being occupied by this cat. I don't know how he found his way into the annals of my mind, but for the truths he revealed to me, I will be forever grateful. Many of them were so vast and incomprehensable that I could never begin to explain them. However, one of the easy ones was that wet catfood looks just as gross to cats as it does to humans. Who knew!?


When we finally found Nate, he was in the sorriest state I've ever seen a man. He was stumbling around, wobbling back and forth almost growling, "horror of horrors...". We threw some water in his face, got out the smelling salts, and screamed at him, "WHAT IS THE HORROR OF HORRORS!". He began, hesitantly, to explain it to us. He was talking so fast that it was hard to catch it all, but there was something about a teenage barn party, skinny dipping, and an ocean full of dead, decaying bodies. Freaky stuff.


Thanks, in no small part, to our gracious host and friend Chris and his family we were all quickly snapped back into reality. We knew it was true because when we looked back on this photo, the food was real, and normal colors. No more of that psychedelic hook food crap. 


Metavari, The Oak and The Ax, Biddeford, ME.